What the Cullen Kids Cannot do!
by citricwolf
Summary: I know there are alot of these, but I was really bored.... Rated T for possible language.
1. Chapter 1

Holy moley, I neva write funny stories, this is really weird for me… god I don't know if I can do this………. but basically it's what the Cullens can't do.. just the kids you know….. I don't own Twilight, just so you know….  
CPOV (Carlisle)  
"Emmett" I called out I heard him run up the stairs, and he sat down with the other children,  
"ok people family meeting" I said, "we have different boards, write down two rules per person, first up is Edward, Alice you can write the first rule," she nodded and walked up.

Edward may not, under any circumstances raid my closet, and then burn any or all items of clothing in the vicinity.

Edward may not, use my car, and not, not fill up the tank if there is little or no gas left.  
"Thank you Alice, Jasper why don't you come forward" Jasper walked up and wrote,

Edward will not steal my CD's, even if Alice rearranges his, it's really annoying.

When Bella comes over for a sleep over and she sleeps in his room he will keep his emotions under handle, it's very uncomfortable.

(Emmett) Edward will not comment on my thoughts, because is annoying when he does that.

Edward will not steal all my magazines and show them to Rosalie.

(Rose) Edward will not write a really obnoxious song on the piano, and "dedicate" it to me

Edward will not steal my hairdryer, and then use it for personal entertainment.

(Esme) Edward will not play piano at odd hours of the night.

Edward will not collect speeding tickets, and use them to decorate his room.

(Carlisle) Edward will not play "doctor" with Emmett, and dislocate anything.

Edward will not steal morphine from my closet, for god knows what reason…

"Edward can you follow these rules?" he nodded and then sighed,  
"Is Emmett next?"  
"Yes…"

Oh this should be good, please feel free to add suggestions 


	2. NO MORE RISK?

I don't own Twilight, just thought you would like to know, as I promised this is Emmett's list, this should be good, next is Jasper, you can feel free to write in ideas as to what you want to hear.

CPOV

"Ok now we are doing Emmett's list." I rolled my eyes as Emmett snickered. "Edward, you can go first" I gave him the pen.

(Edward) Emmett cannot use my car to compare to his car.

Emmett cannot eat and then throw up in my toilet, it clogs my toilet.

(Alice) Emmett cannot steal my bras and other undergarments and use them to store stuff in…

Emmett cannot come into my room when I am not in there.

(Rosalie) Emmett cannot use my tools to fix his car, they usually end up breaking.

Emmett cannot rip any of my clothes, it really pisses me off.

(Jasper) Emmett cannot challenge me to games of "Risk" and then give up in the middle of the game and whine that it's too long.

Emmett must keep his emotions to himself…

(Esme) Emmett cannot break any tables while wrestling with his brothers.

Emmett cannot eat our props.

(Carlisle) Emmett is not allowed to use drugs.

Emmett may not steal my pictures, and then ransom them for $50 each.

"Emmett is that duable" he looked like he would have a breakdown... "NO MORE RISK!" He then retreated to a corner… my family sometimes I swear…..


	3. JaJasper!

Lolz it's Jazzy Jazzy Jasper  RXR and I don't own Twilight, just borrowing.

CPOV

"Emmett why don't you go first for Jasper?" I gave him the marker

Jasper cannot change my emotions to make me any less enthusiastic

Jasper cannot poop parties with his sarcastic comments.

"Edward?" he nodded and walked up.

Jasper may not make me "horny" to tease me and Bella.

Jasper may not have major PDA moments with Alice… on Halloween.

"Alice?" she skipped up and took the pen.

Jasper may not go shopping with me and then run away like a mad man.

Jasper may not call my outfits hideous.

"Rose?" she nodded but pulled out a red marker.

Jasper may NOT ask for piggy back rides.

Jasper may not ask for food, and "feed" Bella.

"Esme, love?" she nodded and took the marker from me.

Jasper may not use my table to arm wrestle Emmett

Jasper may not use the kitchen cabinets to hide from Edward.

I walked up and wrote:

Jasper may not steal my needles and cash Bella around the house threatening to suck her blood.

Jasper may not slide down the stairs on a mattress.

"Jasper is that good" he nodded and then pulled Alice on his lap and kissed her.


	4. Ally ozzen sprey

LOLZ it's ALICE!!! dundundun, this should be good! Friend, n. someone who picks up the pieces when you're too broken to try.

CPOV

"Alice" I sighed, this would be interesting…. Jasper shot up and stole the pen from me before rushing to the door,

(Jasper) Alice may not drag me shopping against my own will… I think that's illegal.  
Alice may not replace my wardrobe, or robe, I kind of like my clothes.  
Emmett walked up and took the pen,  
(Emmett) Alice may not hide my video games… it's not funny.  
Alice cannot tell me what I'm going to do for the rest of the day.  
(Edward) Alice may not say "In accordance to the prophecy"  
Alice cannot rearrange my room.  
(Rosalie) Alice cannot borrow my clothes  
Alice cannot randomly run into my room.  
(Carlisle) Alice cannot torture Bella  
Alice cannot randomly announce what will happen in 5 minutes.  
(Esme) Alice may not buy large amounts of make-up at the same time.  
Alice may not force feed Emmett when he does something stupid.

"Alice, all good?" She nodded and sat in Jasper's lap, I knew the melt down would come later.


	5. What ya'll wanted to hear

I don't own Twilight, send in review ya'll, I always laugh reading them.. lol.

CPOV

"Ahem" I cleared my throat, "we will now take rules, that we sadly forgot, it's time to raise up rules from last year."

(Emmett) Under no circumstances can Rosalie hit me on the back of the head.

(Carlisle) Esme may not call me "Doctor McSparkly. (twilightgirl10194)

(family)Emmett may not wear a blonde wig and try to convince us he's Hannah Montana ()

(Thank you people, please send more in, I will try to update, I'm on vacation right now.. :3)


	6. the Bells are chiming

LOL, by demand of NicholeCullen, Bella get's rules, I'll do the same thing for the pack later…lol

EMPOV

"BELLA NEEDS RULES!" I yelled when Bella walked in, I walked up first and wrote the first rule for the human..hehehhe muahahaha!

(Emmett) Bella cannot come over here after being with the mutt, without showering.  
Bella cannot torture me by being a prude….

(Rose) Bella cannot come near me  
Bella cannot SPEAK to me

Rose handed the pen to Alice and the pixie had the most demonic look ever

(Alice) Bella will go shopping with me.  
Bella WILL let me plan the wedding.

(Jasper) Bella will control her emotions.  
Bella will stay away, and not hug me.

(Edward) Bella WILL NOT try to have sex with me.  
Bella will not attack me.

(Carlisle) Bella will be very careful around sharp objects.  
Bella will not help Edward/Emmett steal drugs.  
(Esme) Bella will not eat all of our props.  
Bella will not fight with Emmett.

Bella sighed and buried her head in Edward's chest blushing…so cute!


End file.
